remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
