I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
