Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
FUCK WHALES
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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