I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
