I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
