I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
