i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
