my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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