I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
