Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
