My nipple is on Facebook.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
