my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
