Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Randomize
