um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
