That's intense
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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