Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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