I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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