I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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