Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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