So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
