I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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