Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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