dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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