I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
