my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
