sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
