Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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