It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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