I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
