This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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