i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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