i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Congratulations! We have a period
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
