I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
