I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize