First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
