three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
