It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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