obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
