Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
