And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
