He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
