Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
