I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He better not be in your backpack
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
