I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
tell me about the eggs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
