The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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