Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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