where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how drunk are you?
Several
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
