Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
