Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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