so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
