Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
