wake up i wanna do it froggy style
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
