Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
