I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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