That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
