I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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