omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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