I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
