do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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