I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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