I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
