Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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