Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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