No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
