No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
