i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
