The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
