Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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