why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
