it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
