I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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