I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
