masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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