That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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