We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
