But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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